Do you really have what it takes to be happy?

Happiness is an emotion that helps us enjoy life and reach our full potential.  Do you have what it takes to be happy?

Many people don’t, so I am about about to share the secret of why…

You’ll be surprised to know the solution is based on having (and doing) one simple thing!

How do we even know what it takes to make people happy?

It is interesting to me that so many people find happiness to be elusive, much like a fugitive of the law.  We chase it, but we end up having a great deal of difficulty finding it.

It says in the Declaration of Independence that we should be free to pursue happiness, but what it doesn’t tell us is how to do that.

Researchers have identified five broad paths to happiness:

1. Using our strengths – When we engage virtues in our daily lives such as our sense of wisdom, our sense of justice, our curiosity, our compassion for others, we become happier.
2. Gratitude – When we appreciate what we have and we express that appreciation not only to ourselves but to others who may have been generous to us, kind to us, or loving to us in our lives, we tend to be happier.
3. Savoring – When we really taste the moment, slow down to take the time to smell the roses, and really notice what is happening in our lives without rushing forward to get to the next best thing, we automatically become happier.
4. Engagement – (aka “being in the zone”)  If we are involved in our activities, and not by doing it self-consciously and not by trying to achieve some external goal, but actually for the process of it and the experience of it, we end up happier.
5. Living a meaningful life – This almost always means we live a life of doing things for others rather than for ourselves.  Whether that involves helping improve things like the environment or helping people on a one-to-one or more personal basis, having a servant’s heart toward something bigger than ourselves is very important in sustaining our levels of happiness.

So why is happiness so hard to achieve for some people?

They forgot to do this one simple thing:  Having something called mindfulness.

Mindfulness allows us to enhance our levels of happiness by allowing the five factors listed above to come to fruition.  With mindfulness, we can learn to change our relationships into moment-to-moment experiences which then make it easier to express our virtues, to have gratitude, to savor the moment, to live a meaningful life, and be engaged. 

Simply put, mindfulness is about attending to our experiences and accepting whatever arises.  It means we have an awareness of our present experiences with an acceptance of those experiences.

It doesn’t mean we are thinking about our past or living in fantasies about our lives, nor does it mean we are thinking about the future and what comes next.  It means we are only in the here-and-now and we are fully present in the moment we are in.

With techniques like meditation we can train our thought processes to be in a state of mindfulness.  It is a skill that can be learned — and should be learned.  Once we learn to open that up for ourselves we open many of the possibilities for happiness.

Here are some quick tips to cultivate mindfulness:

• Open your awareness to all your senses one by one:  Sight, sound, taste, feeling, smell. See what is around you, listen to the sounds, taste the air or whatever is in your mouth, feel the warmth, coolness, or breeze on your cheeks, smell the air.  Then stop for a moment and see if you can take in all of the senses.  For instance:
• When you get up in the morning and brush your teeth, actually pay attention to what it feels like to brush your teeth.
• When taking a shower, actually pay attention to all the droplets of water caressing your body.
• When you are resting, actually pay attention to how that feels in all areas of your body.
• Pick one object of awareness, such as the sensation of your breath rising and falling in your body or the sensation of walking slowly, so that every time your mind falls to thoughts of the future or experiences of the past, you are gently bringing your mind to the attention of the present.
• If negative thoughts begin to infiltrate your mind, remember that thoughts are not facts, nor are they permanent.  For instance, if the thought arises that you are inadequate, just notice the thought, let it be, and continue on.
• At the end of your day, reflect on what you actually did that day. What was positive?  Were there things you would like to do better? You can also choose to plan how you would like to be when you get home.

How mindfulness helps me be happy

I have worked incredibly hard in my journey through the five paths toward happiness, but mindfulness has been the hardest for me to find.  With the chaotic life I currently live, working into the wee hours of the morning and trying to fit the 25th hour into each of my days (let alone living the pain, hardships, and suffering of the past) being present in the moment was is still extremely hard to do.  The good news is, I am getting better at it because it took practice and I didn’t quit.  In my case, I started with breathing and worked my way up from there.

In doing so, I accidentally realized that simply being still and present in the moment will usually result in some of the greatest inspirations for my writing.

When I first started writing I let my brain become my worst critic.  Sometimes that is called ‘analysis paralysis’.  I was over-relying on my mind and overlooking my heart in the writing process.

Now I write from the heart, and my heart thanks me for it.  My writing makes me so much happier now.

I also found I am now putting my energy into doing what I planned to do, rather than putting my energy into planning what I planned to do, only to put it off until tomorrow, then another day, then another day.  I admit that I still get stuck in that trap, but it’s happening less and less as I practice mindfulness more and more.

I’d like to share a great video of Jon Kabat-Zinn below.  Here, he explains why the cultivation of ‘moment to moment, non-judgmental awareness’ can be a powerful antidote to worry, fear or depression.

In this video he also shares a quote from one of my favorite people to quote, Abraham Maslow:

“When the only tool you have is a hammer, everything tends to look like a nail.”

If there is one thing I want you to take away from this blog post today, it’s this:  Do not let yourself become happy or satisfied with your unhappiness.  Being unhappy is a choice, just as much as being happy is.  You have the power to change it into something better.

The truth is:  If I can do it, anyone can.  I spent way too long being unhappy and angry.  I just wish I had done this one thing sooner!

So, do you agree that you have the power to be happy?  Why or why not?  I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comment section below!

Please watch Jon Kabat-Zinn’s video:  “You are only alive in THIS moment!”

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